The Four Skills That Actually Build Confidence (That Most Programs Ignore)

Ever wonder what “real confidence” looks like for kids?

I used to think “confidence” was just about being bold or outgoing.

But after working with over 1,000 kids

I realized it’s a lot more than that.

You don’t have to be a star athlete

to be truly confident.

The kids who stand out aren’t always fast

or strong.

They’ve picked up four important skills.

Skill #1: Mental Focus

Staying focused when things get tough isn’t something kids pick up by chance.

How often have you heard a coach just shout “focus!”  and expect kids to get it?

But real focus is more than that.

Kids need to learn how to:

– Pay attention to what matters

– Think clearly even under stress

– Stay calm when annoyed or upset

– Focus even if something feels boring

Without someone to teach these steps,

it rarely sticks.

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Skill #2: Physical Confidence

This isn’t about being the top athlete.

It’s about knowing how your body moves

and feeling sure you can handle yourself if you have to.

Some kids are born coordinated.

Most aren’t.

Sports often leave out the kids who aren’t naturally athletic.

What’s better?

– Helping every kid build body control

– Showing them real self-defense moves

– Letting them feel strong and steady, not just big and fast

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Skill #3: Emotional Smarts

We all know emotions can get wild sometimes.

But who actually teaches kids how to handle them?

Have you ever seen a coach stop to talk about

what to do when you’re frustrated or sad

after a tough game?

Kids don’t just need to “get over it.”

They need to:

– Notice what they’re feeling

– Keep their cool

– Bounce back after a rough day

– Realize how their moods can affect friends

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Skill #4: Social Leadership

Kids don’t have to be the most outgoing

to be good with people.

Working in a group or on a team

can feel scary if you haven’t practiced.

Programs usually toss kids together

and hope they “figure it out.”

Real growth looks like:

– Showing real respect (not just acting polite)

– Getting along with kids and adults who are different

– Owning up when you make a mistake

– Setting a good example with your actions

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Why Most Programs Don’t Get It Right

Too often, sports programs only focus on

running, jumping, and throwing.

They don’t teach mental, emotional, or social skills

on purpose.

But these skills don’t just show up by accident.

Kids need someone to show them

how to practice these things over and over again.

—

What We Do Instead

I made our jiu jitsu program

with all four skills in mind.

You don’t have to be a “natural” to fit in here.

Kids:

– Work in pairs

– Go at their own speed

– Get praised for improving, not just winning

We teach:

– How to stay steady under pressure

– Short phrases that show respect

– What to do when you feel frustrated

– Focusing your body and mind at the same time

—

What Happens When You Teach All Four Skills?

It’s amazing.

Kids who don’t like team sports

or never felt fast enough

find something they’re good at.

I’ve seen kids go from

avoiding sports

to leading others

because they built real self-belief.

The secret?

We work on all four things every week, not just one.

—

Can Your Child Build This Kind of Confidence?

Yes.

Every child can learn these four skills,

no matter how they start out.

When they do, confidence sticks with them through life.

And that’s the feel-good kind of confidence

that helps them make better decisions,

connect with friends,

and handle whatever comes next.