What Is Bullying? Types, Signs, and a Parent’s First 48‑Hour Plan (2025 Guide)

Why this matters now (October is National Bullying Prevention Month)

October shines a spotlight on a year‑round problem. Bullying isn’t just “kids being kids.” It’s repeated, aggressive behavior with a real or perceived power imbalance that causes harm and can ripple into anxiety, depression, school avoidance, and worse. The CDC classifies bullying as a type of youth violence, and recent national data show about 1 in 5 high school students report being bullied at school and more than 1 in 6 electronically (texts/social media). (Sources linked below.)

The definition (plain English)

Bullying is unwanted, aggressive behavior among school‑aged children that involves a real or perceived power imbalance and is repeated (or could be repeated). Power can be physical size, social status, age, popularity, or access to embarrassing information. (See StopBullying.gov.)

The main types

• Physical: hitting, tripping, pushing, destroying property.
• Verbal: name‑calling, taunting, threats, mocking.
• Social/relational: exclusion, rumor‑spreading, public shaming, group pile‑ons.
• Electronic/cyber: harassment through texting, apps, DMs, group chats, or posts.

Red flags parents can spot early

• Behavior shifts: irritability, withdrawal, avoiding friends or activities they used to love.
• School avoidance: asking to stay home, tardiness, nurse visits, “mystery” stomachaches.
• Eating/sleep changes: skipping lunch (bully hotspot), late‑night device use, nightmares.
• Belongings: damaged items, missing gear, lost money.
• Academic dips: trouble concentrating, rushed or missing assignments.
• Vague physical complaints: headaches, stomach aches with no medical explanation.

The First 48‑Hour Plan (step‑by‑step)

Hour 0–2: Regulate first, then talk.

• Regulate: Take 3–5 deep breaths together. Your calm is contagious.
• Validate: “I believe you. I’m glad you told me. You’re not in trouble.”
• Clarify: Ask who/what/where/when and save evidence (screenshots, dates, names).

Hour 3–12: Safety + scripts.

• Safety map: Who are safe adults at school (teacher, counselor, coach)? Identify safe routes (class‑to‑class, lunch, bus pickup).
• Scripts (non‑escalating):
  • Brief boundary: “That’s not okay. Stop.”
  • Exit: “I’m done here.” (walk to a safe adult)
  • Bystander ask: “Can you walk with me to Ms. Lee?”
• Technology: Mute/block/report accounts; tighten privacy settings; log incidents.

Hour 12–24: School coordination.

• Email teacher and counselor with a factual, time‑stamped incident list. Ask for: seat changes, hallway passes, supervised hand‑offs.
• Request a follow‑up meeting within 48 hours. Bring printed logs, screenshots, and your child’s safety map.

Hour 24–48: Restore normal.

• Return to routines: sleep, nutrition, physical activity (stress buffer). Consider peer‑connected activities where your child can feel competent and supported — e.g., martial arts, music, robotics, theater.

Deep dive: Real‑world examples (and what to do)

Example 1: Bus‑stop circle. A handful of kids surround your child and pepper them with “jokes.” Your child laughs along but goes quiet at home.

• Parent move: “I noticed you’re quieter after school. Want to tell me what’s been happening at the bus stop?” If yes, log dates and names. If no, leave the door open and add one quick skill: “If anyone teases you, try: ‘I’m not into that. See you later.’ Then walk to the driver or a neighbor.”
• School ask: Adjust bus seating, add adult presence at the stop, or change the stop temporarily.

Example 2: Group‑chat drama. A “friend” posts an embarrassing photo; others pile on with mean comments and emojis.

• Parent move: Screenshot everything. Coach the three‑line response (“Not okay. Do not contact me again.” Block) and report to the platform.
• School ask: Staff awareness of in‑person spillover (lunch table moves, hallway supervision), plus a check‑in adult.

Example 3: Social exile. Your child isn’t invited, rumors spread, and peers look away.

• Parent move: Name it: “That’s social bullying — it’s real and it hurts.” Build new circles: clubs, teams, arts, partner‑based activities like jiu‑jitsu where connection is built into the format.
• School ask: Buddy systems, inclusive seating, classroom norms to curb exclusion.

Parent missteps vs. better phrases

• Don’t say: “Why are they picking on you?” → Do say: “You didn’t cause this. Let’s plan your next move.”
• Don’t say: “Just ignore it.” → Do say: “Use a short line, then exit. I’ll help you practice.”
• Don’t say: “Hit back.” → Do say: “Your safety comes first. We’ll use smart boundaries and adults.”

FAQs

Is this bullying or just conflict?
Conflict is a disagreement between peers with equal power that resolves once addressed. Bullying is one‑sided, power‑imbalanced, and repeated (or likely to repeat). Cyber harassment can qualify even if incidents are spaced out — the audience and permanence increase harm.

What if my child is scared to tell the school?
Ask for a discreet meeting after hours. Bring evidence. Request changes that don’t broadcast your child’s complaint (e.g., schedule tweaks, adult‑directed seat changes).

What about discipline for the other student?
That’s the school’s call and is usually confidential. Focus on safety, supervision, and connectedness for your child; accountability for others should happen within policy.

When is therapy appropriate?
If you see persistent sadness, sleep/appetite changes, shut‑down, or self‑harm talk, connect with a pediatric clinician or therapist. You can still pursue school changes in parallel.

Why peer‑connected activities matter

The CDC identifies school connectedness — feeling cared for and having positive peer/adult ties — as a protective factor against violence and poor mental health. Activities that pair kids, teach respect, and create shared goals help rebuild belonging. When kids experience small, repeated wins with a partner who roots for them, their belief in themselves returns. That’s the engine behind traditional martial arts classes that emphasize courtesy, cooperation, and accountable practice.

When to escalate immediately

• Physical injury or threats: Contact the school and, if needed, local authorities.
• Protected‑class harassment (race, sex, disability, etc.): Ask about your district’s Title VI/IX/IDEA procedures.
• Suicide risk: Seek urgent assessment. Call/text 988 (Suicide & Crisis Lifeline).

Local next steps (Lake County, IL)

• Document, coordinate with school, and consider community programs that build confidence, self‑regulation, and positive peer ties. LCBJJ offers a free intro so kids can test a supportive, structured environment.

Carlos Archila

Head Instructor

Lake County Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu

References (selected): CDC Youth Violence: Bullying overview; CDC YRBS 2023 data summary (bullying at school/electronically); StopBullying.gov (definition, prevention); CDC School Connectedness resources.